missing the travels :')

I think the reason I love traveling so much is because it feels like an escape. In a way it feels like life stops for awhile. I've learned that going somewhere far won't make your problems smaller. You can run so far, but your problems will follow. Although, just for a second, being away from all the drama, sadness, and issues in a small town feels freeing. It is breathtaking seeing beautiful sites. Feeling small while standing in front of the ocean makes some type of peace come over my body. Standing in a museum or in front of a historical monument makes you realize your problems really aren't so bad. 

I love looking out the window of a plane at the clouds before you and looking down at the big buildings that look small all of a sudden. It's mind blowing to go to sleep on a bus you've been on for twenty hours just to wake up the next day looking at the sunrise on a mountain. All of it makes you think. This is all God's creation. You see how beautiful and amazing it all is. It makes you realize out of all the creation that so amazing, God decided He needed you. We are His creation too. Seeing the world makes you not only realize how beautiful and amazing it is, but makes you realize how beautiful and amazing you are yourself. This is why I love traveling. There's something about going to another place on planet earth that makes me feel something great inside. It makes me enjoy myself more and be more appreciative of the world I live in that our God created. 

''You alone are the Lord. You made the skies and the heavens and all the stars. You made the earth and the seas and everything in them. You preserve them all, and the angels of heaven worship you.'' Nehemiah9:6 

''The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.'' Psalm 19:1

A heart once burned, Always burns

  

 I really believe if you were once truly in love with someone, it's not going to ever go completely away. If your heart once burned for them, the fire can always be relit. At times you'll think about them, and it hurts. It hurts so bad, and you'll find yourself lying alone on the bedroom floor crying your eyes out because you saw or heard something that reminded you of them. You'll drive by the places you once spent together. At first, you'll smile a bit. Then, you'll feel an aching realization in your heart. You won't go to those places together ever again. You'll hear a song that will make you think of him. You'll think of all the good ways he made you feel, despite of all the bad.

   When you're in love with someone, your brain will turn all of the person's flaws into perfections. You unintentionally ignore all of the bad qualities of them. Your heart begins to take over, as if your brain was never needed. Knowing you deserve better and not wanting it is what will destroy you. 

   Months will go by with no communication with him. You finally start to feel like you can live without this person. Then you see them again. Those green eyes and that soft smile pull you back in like every other time. You find yourself talking about him in your day to day conversations. When he calls at two in the morning, you don't hesitate to answer. You hear his voice again, and he says your name like he used to. 

   Your heart warms because that's what it used to burn for, and still does. He'll touch you, and it will set you on fire, but again, he'll leave you there to burn by yourself. The fire starts again with his touch just for it to return to being ice cold. 

   More months go by without the random two in the morning phone calls. You haven't looked into those green eyes in awhile or heard him say your name. Your heart continues to burn for him, yet he's not there to keep the fire going. You try to find a spark with other people in desperation of the cold, but your heart freezes because they aren't him. 

   You think your heart only burns for him, so only he can relight the fire. Maybe he is the only one that can relight the fire, because you are continually handing him a match. 

What is to die for, Is to live for

 I was once asked ''What is worth dying for?'' I had many answers such as Jesus, my faith, my family, my friends, and people in my life I care about. One thing that really made me think was two of my closest friends, Taylor and Alli. So I asked myself "Gracie would you really die for these two?'' ''Why are they worth it?'' I really thought about it, and many reasons came to mind. 

  Taylor and Alli are the two people in my life who understand me the most. They came back into my life even when I was a terrible friend to them. Our beautiful friendship essentially began freshman year of high school, and it was so strong and solid. I was close with Alli then grew closer to Taylor through Alli and I's friendship. Sophomore year we hit a bump. We drifted apart. This was hard, and it really hurt me, but I pretended like it didn't and hung out with new people. These new people were not necessarily good people to be around. I didn't know it at the time because I was so blindsided. I lost all communication with Alli while I still talked to Taylor every now and then at school. Alli and I didn't get along at all, and I'll admit it, it was all stupid and petty. Nothing was worth losing a friend over. Not to mention my best friend I once did everything in life with. In the time period that we weren't friends, we were going through all of the same situations and dealing with the same issues. We both had no idea. For a whole year we were completely separated from each other. At times I would breakdown looking at old pictures of us or watching old videos we use to make. I missed them so much. I always wondered if my name ever crossed their minds. Do they miss everything we had? Do they miss spending every second of life together like I do? We would pass each other in the halls like we were strangers all over again. It hurt so much because I walk by thinking "It's like I don't even know you. It's like I never met you, yet you know everything about me, and I know everything about you.'' This felt worse than any breakup you could ever go through. Losing your best friends is a whole different type of heartbreak. It feels like you lost a part of yourself too. 

  Fast forward to the summer after sophomore year, I was on my way home from the beach. I remember just breaking down into tears thinking of how alone I am going to feel this next school year. I was still friends with some of those ''new people.'' I remember thinking, "Why do I feel so alone when I am surrounded by so many people." The reality is you can be in a full crowd and still feel like the loneliest person in the world, and you can be in a room with one other person and feel anything but alone. That's what I came to realize at the end of this summer. Then, junior year comes around. After being a terrible friend to them, they gave me a second chance. I reevaluated the people in my life. I began to invest in people who invested in me as well. Taylor and Alli became my best friends again. It was like we were reliving old times, and all the lonely feelings and worries disappeared. Now, I spend all my time with them, like once before. They make me laugh so hard until I can barely breathe. They hold me while I'm crying my eyes out. They tell me when I'm making stupid decisions, even when I don't listen to them. To all the driving around together, jam sessions in the bathroom, starbucks runs, to almost dying in the car together, and everything, I can't picture life without them ever again. If they didn't give me another chance I don't know where my life would be, or what I would feel like. I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't have my Taylor Riley and Allison Faye. They are my world as cheesy as that is. They were not in my life for a whole year, and I regret that year so much, but you live and you learn. I'll never understand why we were all three separated from each other for an entire year, and somehow found our way back together. I guess you really do always find your way back to the people that are meant to be in your life. I hope and I pray I never lose them again. My life is so much better with them in it. After all of this, I know they are so worth dying for. Overall I believe there is nothing worth living for if there is nothing worth dying for.